Movie Ramblings: The Canyons


This film is really boring. I’m not going to spend too much time on writing about this one as I already wasted 99 minutes of my life watching it. There are full spoilers here, you have been warned!

This film follows the lives of 2 couples and the consequences of various decisions made and actions taken by the characters. With it’s mix of intrigue, sex and violence this should be a promising evening’s entertainment if not an exciting thriller. Unfortunately it falls flat on all counts and on several occasions almost had me watching it in fast-forward.

Christian is a rich kid who pretends to make movies in Hollywood to fulfil his father’s demand that he should have a job. He’s a dick to his friends and to his girlfriend and manipulates them into doing whatever he wants.

Tara is Christian’s girlfriend. She doesn’t love him but sticks around because he has lots of money and “looks after her”. “Looking after her” seems to include convincing her to have sex with random men and women he picks up using internet dating apps.

Ryan is an aspiring actor who also just happens to be Tara’s ex-boyfriend. Ryan has been cast in Christian’s latest film. Ryan is currently dating Gina who just happens to be Christian’s PA. Ryan and Tara are sleeping together. This is actually a promising setup to start a dark, sexy psychological thriller like this film is billed to be.

The film opens with the 4 main characters having dinner together and the viewer not knowing any of the above. There is obviously supposed to be an air of distrust and unease floating around the characters from the start and you do get a certain sense of unease but the scene is drawn out and boring with the individual actors delivering their lines to the camera rather than the characters interacting with each other. Any sense of discomfort comes from the fact that the actors seem uncomfortable rather than the writing or direction. This scene sets the standard for dull, stilted and uncomfortable dialogue throughout the film.


As the film progresses we find out painfully slowly what I have outlined above. On the way we get to find out more about how horrible Christian is but we do also get to see a more vulnerable side of him. He’s still a dick but at least he is the only character who gets more than one dimension.

The two male characters compete with each other for Tara’s affections and go about trying to ruin each other’s reputation. Christian is obviously better at this, having far greater resources and possibly more experience than Ryan. In the end, Christian murders a woman who was an ex-girlfriend of both men and tries to pin it on Ryan. At this point the production appears to have run out of money.

Christian goes home and finds Tara packed ready to go. She agrees to give him an alibi and to never see Ryan again in exchange for being “allowed” to leave him. Ryan and Gina break up. We then cut to an unspecified time in the future where by means of forced exposition in a scene that mirrors the start we find out that no one was ever arrested for the murder, Tara is with another wealthy figure from the film industry and Ryan is stalking her using other people to update him. The End.

I guess it could be considered a insight into the futility of life but the real futility here is watching this movie and expecting any kind of entertainment. I didn’t intend to write anywhere near this much, I hope it is enough to convince you not to bother watching it.


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